Samson
Now there was a certain man from Zorah, from the Danite clan, whose name was Manoah. His wife was unable to become pregnant and had not given birth to any children. The Lord’s messenger appeared to the woman and said to her, “Even though you’ve been unable to become pregnant and haven’t given birth, you are now pregnant and will give birth to a son! Now be careful not to drink wine or brandy or to eat anything that is ritually unclean, because you are pregnant and will give birth to a son. Don’t allow a razor to shave his head, because the boy is going to be a nazirite for God from birth. He’ll be the one who begins Israel’s rescue from the power of the Philistines.”Judges 13:2-5
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Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful
And came into my bed
Oh, I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I’d done alright
And kissed me ‘til the morning light
The quote above is from a song called “Samson” by Regina Spektor. It’s written from the perspective of Delilah - Samson’s most well-known lover. Now, I’m aware that this is just a song and has no factually accurate or Biblically accurate basis, but that’s part of why I love it. It is creative, it is imaginative, and it is an empathetic consideration of the people that the Bible speaks of because they were simply that, people. People like you and me, who had struggles, who had emotions, who had desires, anxieties, fears, and questions. People who made mistakes - mistakes we can both learn from and relate to. Now, the Bible doesn’t always do the best job of telling us about the whole of people. It gives us snapshots of their lives - snapshots that have been handed down via oral and written traditions for centuries and translated through multiple perspectives, agendas, and languages. Oftentimes, this leaves something to be desired and requires us to think about scripture in the broader context of what we know about history, culture, humanity, communication, and ourselves. With this in mind, I’m going to try and do Samson and his shame justice. I’m going to try to think how he might have, so that we can understand his shame and learn from it.
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I think a lot of people might see Samson’s struggle as having to do more with pride than shame, but I would argue that his “pride” was an act used to mask his shame.
From the time Samson’s birth was prophesied, his life was planned for him. He would be a Nazirite - one consecrated to God who abstained from alcohol, hair cutting, and touching deceased creatures. He would “begin Israel’s rescue from the power of the Philistines”. Can you imagine how much pressure that must have been? How much hype he had to live up to? How many times he must have been embarrassed when his parents told everyone they met that their son was “chosen?” How hard it must have been to have every accomplishment you worked for be chalked up to your “chosen” status? How inadequate he must have felt whenever he made a mistake and everyone, including himself, took it as an opportunity to remind him that he should know better, because, after all, he is the one who will begin the process of delivering Israel from their oppressors? If you ask me, that sounds like the perfect storm to create a self-hating human who feels shame so deeply that they use pride to mask their true feelings. Particularly if they don’t feel that they have a right to those feelings, which -given that so many people want power and Samson always just had it- is a distinct possibility.
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People have always told me I was smart. Aside from one nine-week’s report card in 7th grade Bible class, I’ve made straight A’s since the fifth grade. And that B? I made it half-way-on-purpose because 1. I was mad at God. 2. I was in a really dark place mentally due to some social conflicts. and 3. I wanted to prove to people that I was more than “smart”. Because my primary identity was “smart”, anytime I answered a question incorrectly or said something that wasn’t exactly right, people made a big deal out of it. People also disliked me for being smart. A boy in my class once told me after the award’s night at school that he hated being in class with me because he never won anything. Being smart was lonely and isolating. People had high expectations for me, and failure to meet them was met with critique from my peers, teachers, and parents. I imagine being strong and a Nazarite was much the same for Samson.
Perhaps Samson felt his identity as a Nazerite, as a Judge, and as a B.C. Body Builder consumed what people thought of him, how they treated him, and who they saw him as? Maybe he sought out Philistine women because they didn’t pigeon-hole him the way Hebrew women did? Maybe among the Philistines he could “fit in” a little more because they weren’t all looking at him to lead and deliver them? Sure, he had made a name for himself among the Philistines for his destructive ways, but sometimes it’s easier to be looked down upon than to be looked up to. This is particularly true whenever you feel deep shame. When you are ashamed and think lowly of yourself, you will accept that sort of treatment from others. Because the Philistines saw Samson as he saw himself, he found it easier to belong among them. We all want desperately to belong, and I doubt Samson was any sort of exception to this. He seemed to struggle to belong among those he was leading, frequently pursuing company among the Philistines rather than the Israelites. And, if he felt he couldn't belong among his own people, it makes sense that he sought out this belonging elsewhere… often in the arms of Philistine women.
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When we feel shame or fear, we often become self-fulfilling prophecies of our own demise through a not-so-fun-trick called self-sabotage. This is where we intentionally do things that contradict other parts of ourselves and ultimately do harm to ourselves. For Samson, this meant that he touched dead animals (a lion’s carcass and a donkey’s jawbone) and, ultimately - even after she had proven she couldn’t be trusted - told Delilah the secret of his strength was his hair. Maybe Samson, on some level, wanted his strength to leave him because maybe, just maybe, if he was no longer strong he could finally belong? Maybe his burden of shame - the burden of being different, the burden of constant critique, the fear of screwing up, the alienation from one’s accomplishments, the feelings of inadequacy and loneliness - maybe it would all leave him if his strength left him? And so, driven by a shame that consumed every part of his being, Samson - after much internal debate - relinquished his strength.
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I don’t think shame is of God. I also don’t think God has some succinct plan for the world that we have any ability to screw up. I think God lets us do our thing, and he uses it as he can, but he wastes nothing and sees nothing we do as “wasted”. I don’t think God caused Samson to feel shame, but I don’t think he was surprised when Samson did feel shame. I think he probably offered Samson a few different ways to be delivered from his shame, and this is the path Samson chose - or, perhaps it is simply the path the Jewish grandfather told his grandson about when he was adapting the story of Hercules to his tradition, but that is an inquiry for another time.
Throughout scripture, we see one primary theme: love. God doesn't want us to feel shame, but to feel love. Jesus didn't come to bring shame, but to save us from it. Shame is not of God, but to be liberated from shame is. I don’t know when exactly Samson’s liberation came - maybe it came in the moments where he was finally able to be alone with himself when his only task was to be a grinder, or maybe it came in the moment when he felt his hair was no longer governing his life, or maybe it came in the moment when he asked God for one final moment of strength so that he could accomplish the task he had been made for, or maybe it came on the other side of this life. However, I think what led up to Samson’s liberation - at whatever point it happened - was an honest confession to God. An honest moment filled with all the anger, resentment, loneliness, and shame Samson had accumulated over the course of his life. A plea to the Almighty to save him from all the hurt this world had given him, a plea for guidance, and a plea for deliverance. A prayer for comfort and healing and hope in the midst of an ocean of pain. When we are ashamed and need liberation, may we have the courage to speak honestly with God.
May we learn from the story of Samson that nothing is wasted, and that freedom and love are found in the outpouring of honesty - honesty with ourselves, with our loved ones, and honesty with our God.