About Living With Roommates
“Living with roommates is much harder than living alone, but I believe it is much better for you than being alone. While having roommates will cause you to experience conflict, nothing has the opportunity to help you grow more. Roommates don’t usually sign up to aid in your personal growth, but roommates can show us our interpersonal blind spots. How you handle conflict, if you are open and reflective, will help you learn a lot about yourself. Being open and self-aware are the best tools to being a good roommate.”
- Haley, M.Div.
“Roommates are an interesting thing. I’ve had 11 or 12 roommates depending on how you count it. I only lived with one of them for a week and a half ‘cause he was moving out as I was moving in. Aside from that I was an RA for a year, during which I had no roommates, but dealt with more roommate problems than I ever have, or probably ever will, in my personal life. In all truth, I think most healthy roommate dynamics are based on clear, honest communication and compromise. Be honest about your expectations and needs (your real ones not your idealized ones), know that your roommates have expectations and needs as well, and know that - aside from life threatening allergies, accessibility needs, and general safety things - no one’s needs are above the others. Also, know that needs and expectations change, so be open to renegotiation of these as necessary.”
- Sara, BA
I wish someone had told me that living with roommates meant that I was going to hear things that hurt me but were much needed for my future relationships. Growing up I was very sheltered. I mainly spent most of my time either with my siblings and family, or with people I grew up with or knew me from church. These people were the main people I spent time with, and to this day influenced me or gave me an idea that the people that I live with - the people I saw first thing in the morning and the last thing I would see before I went to bed - would be the people I spent most of my time with. That all changed once I began living with roommates. Living with roommates taught me the hard truth that younger me needed to hear, and that was my roommates couldn’t be everything I needed them to be. I still needed other friends to walk with me throughout the good, and the bad days of life. Living with roommates taught me that one person couldn’t give me all the love in the world, that I needed more.
- Reenard, AA