romans road: solace

Romans 5:8 - “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

I used to find solace in this verse. It even used to be in my Instagram bio when that was a thing. I have grown to struggle with this verse and ones like it. I’ve begun wrestling with my personal framework surrounding God’s love and His/Her mercy. 

I used to focus on “Christ died for us.” But, as I’ve gotten older and made more mistakes, I’ve found guilt in the “we are still sinners” part. This verse used to give me comfort that our God was so forgiving that He would do such a thing. He was so merciful that He would die for us. His love was that of a stern Father that wouldn’t raise His voice, while still showing His disappointment in my sinning ways. I was always pining for His approval- and this verse was a nod when I did something worthy of His sacrifice. I used to feel Love, in the strong and stern arms of this verse. 

Now I feel as if I’m shedding that yearning girl. I’m shedding the girl who believed God was never in my reach. I’m shedding the God that never was. I’m embracing the God that sits in my sun and in my darkness. I’m embracing the God that knows we aren’t perfect (if you want to call us sinners) and yet still pursues us in our shadows. 

I don’t have to put myself down, to feel loved by God. I don’t have to put myself down, to raise God up. 

I think it is important to understand that yes- we are sinners and are not immune to suffering or pain by living in Christ, And also, we should not be subjecting ourselves to more suffering or pain by putting the weight of our sin upon our own shoulders. For myself, in respect to my self worth, I have had to approach scripture more carefully. The weight of this verse I used to put upon myself. On my bad days, I made myself feel worse, because I’d ask myself, 

“Christ died for these days? For this screwed up version of myself? Well that was a waste.” 

No matter how people framed it for me, I don’t think that’s the point of this verse. The point of this verse is, “but God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we have bad days, while we are anxious, while we are in our own darkness, Christ died for us.” 

And if you can’t reframe this verse yet, I encourage you to turn to this verse in the meantime: 

2 Corinthians 12:9 -

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’”

Even though we aren’t perfect, 2 Corinthians shows us that our insufficiencies allow room for Jesus to come in. Perhaps the greater we proclaim our weaknesses, not in the name of self-deprecation, but in the name of wholesome acceptance in Christ, the more room we allow for Him. We might be insufficient for the world, however, we are sufficient enough for Christ to love us. 

There is never a weakness that we could possess that would bar us from that love.