"Triggers" - Letters by Caleb Pt. 3
If we’re honest, the word trigger has had a fair bit of stigma attached to it. To be honest, I have had trouble writing this piece due to that stigma attached to triggers. In fact, when the diagnosis guidelines for PTSD first started mentioning triggers, a minor controversy occurred. I want this entry into the series to be more educational than the other two, mainly because I don’t think triggers are well understood by people who are not on the journey to recovery.
Many people that I know and love openly mock triggers. I am deeply hurt by this. When people mock the idea of triggers, it is hard to not react with anger and resentment. I think “how dare you mock my pain. You don’t understand what it’s like.” If I can be honest with you, that statement isn’t completely true. I think everybody has triggers, some of us just call it something else. To some extent, everybody knows what it’s like to have a trigger. The severity of the trigger may vary, but the pain is still there.
There are a couple fallacies that people with triggers can sometimes fall into, myself included. It is so easy to fall into these lines of thinking because we as humans want the world to make clear, logical sense. Unfortunately, that is not the nature of the world.
Triggers make senseWhat I’m referring to is the actual event or object that is our trigger. I keep wanting what triggers me to make sense but some of my triggers simply do not make sense in regards to the event which caused my trauma. Many people’s triggers are seemingly abstract.The only area of my body my attacker hit was my face. Yet, touches to my back are my largest trigger.
A gun was pulled on me and my mother by the attacker. But still, gunshots do not trigger me.I saw a dog a few minutes after the attack. Now, dogs can sometimes give me an innate sense of unease.
Triggers will affect you soon after they happenThis is the fallacy I give in to most often. It would make sense if a timeline could be drawn between trigger and when mental unrest began. I am sorry to say that triggers do not work like that, no matter how much I wish they would. It can be hours or even days after a trigger that it really starts to take a toll on your mental state.
Triggers are consistentI cannot emphasize enough how much I wish that the way a trigger affected me was consistent. Yet, this is not the case. A touch on the back sometimes can put me on-edge for the rest of the day. Other times, I can simply ask the person not to touch me back and nothing else happens.
These reasons can make triggers extremely difficult to identify. Something that I really urge everybody to do is to keep an Anxiety Journal. When you feel anxious, jot down a few words about the day. Sometimes, it can help you identify triggers you never realized you had. This method is how I realized that loud knocks on my front door trigger me. I also keep a nightmare journal, but nightmares are a topic that will just have to be covered another time.
Dealing with triggers can be hard, some days I think they are the worst part of PTSD. But despite that, I know that I am not alone. I have friends who get me help, and I have God on my side.
You are not alone.