Fasting: Day 4

Day four of communal fasting is almost upon us (whoo! Home stretch!). But boy, has it been hard. I’ve procrastinated writing this blog post and have been stressed and full of negative self talk for it. So, clearly I’m nailing this fasting thing so far *cue sarcasm*.

I’m trying though.

I don’t think the goal with these internal, or even external fasts is to be perfect. I think it’s about being self-aware.

I'm harsh on myself because I had a negative thought about myself while fasting from negative self-talk. But I am now taking note of the issue, and realize my default in situations of failure.

For those of you who don’t know, I am currently in Mobile Alabama awaiting an audition that feels like it could literally make or break my life. I’m going to be in a room, along with hundreds of other hopeful auditionees, performing in front of dozens of representatives from different theatre programs around the country and doing everything in my power to be as different as possible from the rest.

The thought of fasting “comparison” basically feels impossible. And if you are wondering why you haven’t heard of this audition yet, it's because I’m only gonna post on social media about it if the outcome is positive. If not, then it never happened (shhh).

I want to take a second and acknowledge that this comparison thing isn’t limited to my audition. It’s pretty much a constant in my life. It feels like in every place of my life I’m constantly seeing people who I think are better than me at one thing or another and I wonder why I can’t be as talented, or as popular, or as happy as them. I truly believe fasting social media is going to be a huge force in getting us away from those thoughts of comparison. My worth will no longer be measured by the “likes” I don't have, and I get some time away from the “perfect lives” that I see online.

As I mentioned before, I have literally no desire to post about my shortcomings on social media. This in turn probably makes my life look pretty good to anyone who just follows me online.

That leads me to the reality of social comparison that I am going to try to think about anytime it comes up this weekend. The people that I view as superior to me, they most likely feel the same way with other people, just like I most likely make others feel inferior at times as well.

There is so much negativity and disdain wrapped in social media and comparison, and I wonder what a day in our community would look like where we turn that negative energy into support for our fellow people. A day where we step away from our “perfect lives” into our real ones and we acknowledge our disdain for its roots in admiration.

Our insecurities can be a driving force for us. We just have to be aware and try.